Dear Taren: 8:12 PM

Allow me to introduce you formally to my bum.

(NB case study shot #0001, profile)

I am posting a picture of my bum on the internet to raise awareness for a very important cause - Bum Builders of America. You see, I am among a group of unfortunate people in this world with a "no-bum", also know as "flat back and a crack". The group is not widely recognized but the situation is dire nonetheless.

Those who suffer from "no-bum" (referred to as NB for the remainder of this post) suffer many trials. We have no junk in our trunk. We have no tailfeather to shake. And worst of all is the saggy butt we sport in most every pair of jeans we own 5 minutes after putting them on. It is a true Jean-etic disorder.

Although nature created NB, science and a good plastic surgeon, Spanx, or padded underwear are available. Please feel free to donate to Bum Builders of America as soon as possible to help us overcome this truly disturbing phenomenon.

Dear Taren:

It's been awhile, I know, but it is SO annoying to have to sign out of my normal gmail account and into this one to post and yeah... that's the excuse I've got.

Anyway, Dear Taren:

Why, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!?!?!? do people feel like it is okay to announce that their husband/boyfriend/significant whatever is gone for the night/weekend/week/month on Facebook. C'mon people- you who are the paranoid ones who believe those Amber Alert emails and Facebook status scams can't see the stupidity in putting this as your status? I don't care who you think your "friends" are, my guess is you have a somewhat skeevy/questionable guy from high school or college that you accepted so he didn't feel bad and/or your facebook set up so friends of friends (aka basically anyone) can see your profile. Do you know who friends of friends are? That's ANY skeevy/creepy-ass/questionable guy who now knows what your house/apartment/car looks like (thanks to your Photos), where you work (thanks to your Info), and the fact that you just "Hate it when my (fill in the blank) goes to (fill in the blank) and leaves me here ALL FREAKING ALONE!.

As much as I'd like to post this on my own blog this mensa-qualified group of people includes a few I am required to "try to be nice to" and I can't offend them in any way. Perhaps I will send an email to Fox13 and tell them of all the idiots out there and they can interview me in shadow with my voice altered. Or better yet, perhaps you should write a post on this stupidity on your famous blog and then I'll email Fox13 about it and you can be featured. It's all about you baby.



P.S. For the record, smart people (aka, me) only post how grateful they are to have their big brave whoever BACK from an extended leave.

Dear Taren: 10:13 AM

Why am I Facebook friends with people that I would hide from if I passed them in Wal-Mart?

Why am I Facebook friends with a girl from high school who threatened to beat me up after her boyfriend dumped her for me? She had big scary friends too, that was a tense couple of days... Luckily, or unluckily, for her then dumped me to get back with her, married her, impregnated her, and then divorced her. Point is, why am I "friends" with her?

I would guess that

I would hide from 65% of my FBF,
15% would hide from me,
and the other 15% are actually "real life" friends or family.

What has technology done to us?

Dear Taren Too: 11:00 PM

Please see freeflan.blogspot.com - if you haven't already. My Taren thinks you should be friends. You could swap stories about how people try to call you Karen... or something.

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Oh my, this stuff is fabulous and definitely on my Mother's Day wishlist!

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Dear Taren: 9:20 AM

I love Dermot Mulroney and in my fantasy world, he loves me back.

I DVR'd "The Wedding Date" like last week and I've watched it 3 times. Sad.

Dear Taren: 10:23 AM

You know that movie Liar, Liar? I haven't seen it in a long time so I don't remember much about it at all, but I think it would be incredibly refreshing to have to speak the whole truth for one 24-hour period. Do I dare do it? No. Because if I was possessed by something to do it then it wouldn't be my fault and people would be like, oh she's not being mean she's just possessed. That would be ideal.

I want to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But only while possessed.