Dear Taren: 10:16 AM

Here's my genius moment for the day. Have you ever wondered if you should start using that anti-aging, anti-wrinkle, anti-leather face moisturizer stuff now? I do. Every time I see a commercial. See, here's my thought process - if it helps "defy" aging when you are already old, shouldn't it work that much better if you start using it when you aren't old yet? I'm going to write to Olay or Clinique or Revlon or Almay or hell, even Avon and tell them I'm willing to be a one woman study for them.

Here's the pitch: If they send me a lifetime supply of their latest and greatest anti leather face cream then I will take a picture of my youthful 24 year old face and use it faithfully for 20 years. Then they can contact me in 20 years and take a picture of my still youthful, wrinkle-free, envy of the neighborhood 44 year old face and make one hell of a commercial that appeals to the 20-somethings because by this time it's way too late for the other 40-somethings that weren't as brilliant as me when I was 24.

Think about it, I'd be a freaking walking advertisement for these people. My kids' friends' moms would all whisper behind my back as I attended high school events about how I must have gotten pregnant when I was 12 to have a kid in high school. They'd want to ask me my secret and of course contractually I'd have to tell them but they wouldn't dare ask so I would just continue to walk around flawless while they injected botox or the current toxin being injected into faces in the year 2029, in an effort to get their faces as smooth and crater free as mine.

Dear Oil of Olay People,

Have I got an idea for you...